Gladiator Damsels

When gladiator sandals first made their fashion debut, I remember everyone around me being a little skeptical. They threatened the reign of the simplistic flip flop and seemed overly complicated with the array of zippers and buckles. But I loved them, probably because Rachel and I were—and still totally are—obsessed with the movie Gladiator. (How can you not cry when they carry Russel Crowe out of the arena? Or when his slave-friend buries his little wife and child statues? "Not yet, not yet.")

And I'm still in favor of them, fashion trend or no. They add visual interest without overpowering an outfit. Or at least, the gladiator sandals of my youth did. But they were bitten by a radioactive spider and now they're...GLADIATOR sandals.

Via FreePeople.com

The difference, Damsels, between gladiators and GLADIATORS are gladiator sandals are cute and fashion-forward whereas GLADIATORS are literally trying to kill you by eating your leg.

We will meet again, adorable gladiator sandals. But not yet. Not yet.

WTFriday: Cannes 2012

So...Cannes was fun.

Via StyleBistro.com

Amiright, Elena Lenina?

Bikini'd Damsels

I still vividly remember fighting with my father over a tankini when I was in 6th grade. It was the weekend before our class pool party, and anyone who was anyone was going to be showing their midriff—some girls even had bikinis (the scandal!). So it was of the utmost importance I AT LEAST had a tankini, but Papa Megan didn't like the idea of his little girl being anything but "covered up."

It's a bad sign when this memory was sparked by a bikini from Free People:

My father would like the direction this is going in, but I'm...befuddled. It's a bikini top, so you're obviously going to be showing a lot of skin. But Free People draws the line at collar bone/cleave? And who wants this tan line, anyway? I could go running and have more of my neckline exposed in a sports bra than in this swimsuit.

Unless this is some kind of marketing genius where Free People realizes this is where most women burn the easiest, so this is what you wear after your chest has turned lobster-red. It's perfect, actually—you hide your lobster cleave while it calms down and wear this shiny flesh colored fabric swatch over it. MISDIRECTION, DAMSELS.

Okay, never mind, best swimsuit ever!

This Damsel is a Dame

Gather 'round, children. I 'as a story for ye.

Once there was a cockney lady livin' in de streets o' london town. It was back in de early 1900's, it was. She 'obbled 'round lookin' for a bite, and 'fore she knew what 'it 'er, a man 'eard 'er speakin' n' slurin'. What a reighteous man 'e was, that Mr. 'iggins. 'ow noble 'e must've felt to take me off de streets. Well, just you wait 'enry 'iggins, just you wait!

via celebuzz.com

Oh, don't frighten Helena, Damsels. Act perfectly normal. We don't want to scare away her natural charm and cukoo ways by speaking logically. Just let her go on in costume. I think that scene where her father's supposed to get to the church on time might be coming up next, and, believe me, you don't want to miss it.

Truly, Helena, never change. We love you just the way you are, you crazy, beautiful coot!

WTFriday: TyTyDamsel

God bless you, Tyra Banks.

Via CeleBuzz.com

You are taking smizing to a whole new level—you are like an alien from planet Modelanza and crazy eyes are your superpower (you're welcome for your next book idea, by the way). Look damsels, say what you want about TyTyBaby here, but you have to respect her commitment to being completely nuts. It seriously inspires me daily.

Also, as though the universe were trying to prove how awesome Tyra is, this picture popped up on my screen:

Via CeleBuzz.com

I WANT TO GO TO THERE.

Hummana Hummana: 'ye at the Met

Blah, blah, blah, Met Gala, blah. [Insert diatribe on the women's fashion of the night, Anja Rubik's hip bone, and whatever that was that Elizabeth Banks chose to wear here.]

I think we all know what we want to see. Some men in some tuxes.

And not just any men, Kanye men. In reality, it isn't right to just call Kanye a "man." What is man, other than a Homo sapien prone to accidents and mistakes? No, Kanye is a demi-god. He knows it, we know it, so let's just not fuss about it anymore. In fact, we might as well invent a new category of gods and call them, dem'ye-gods. He's already acheived Hurculean feats in the fashion world ($6,000 pair of shoes, we made it to the Paris news), so I think he's proved his point (you need to crawl, 'fore you ball).

via celebuzz.com

Those dem'ye-gods really know how to pull off a bow tie.

Feline Damsels

I don't wish to admit how many times in the past year I've tried to don a cat-eye look for a night out and failed. You can just correctly assume it is a large number. Every time I try, I do one perfectly, and then as I attempt the second, failure crashes all over me in the form of asymmetry. Either one eye's winged tip is too curly, the other is too straight, one is shorter, or they both just look a tad amature.

I know I'm not alone in my love of cat-eyes. I also think I am not alone in my failure at attempting a perfect rendition of one. Without further ado, might I present this dazzling YouTube makeup tutorial, which presents two ways to master the cat-eye effect, while also giving pointers as to how to keep them symmetrical?

This teacher also has an amazing Celtic accent, which I love. I hope she creates a tutorial sometime on how to master the accent as well, but for now I will have to be satisfied with just the winged eyeliner tips.

Damsels Long for Lace

Every time spring rolls around, I find myself yearning for a pretty white lace dress in which to traipse around.

I blame wedding season.

I also blame stores overflowing with options outside of my budget, only serving to make them even more desirable. Like when you're really thirsty and someone holds a glass of ice water right in front of you but won't let you have a sip. Or you put money in the vending machine and accidentally hit Peanut M&Ms, which you didn't even really want, but then they get stuck and then all of a sudden it's terribly important that you get those Peanut M&Ms out of the vending machine, but you have no more change left so you stalk the vending machine the rest of the day to see if anyone buys something to get your Peanut M&Ms out, but then when you check back your Peanut M&Ms are GONE.

What I'm saying is, this is serious.

(Clockwise: Diane von Furstenberg via Shopbop; SAM&LAVI via Revolve Clothing; Patterson J. Kincaid via Shopbop; Aqua via Bloomingdale's)

Just look at them all—so delicate and sweet, but sexy in a see-through, lingerie-reminiscent way. In other news, I recently launched a new charity: Megans Without Pretty White Lace Dresses.

I told you Damsels this was serious. Cash donations accepted.

Hummana-Hummana: Matt Bomer

USA Network is my guilty pleasure. Give me a marathon of Psych or Monk any day over half of what's on prime time, and Suits alone deserves its own hummana-hummana post. USA has some great original programming is what I'm saying, which I personally appreciate as a bona fide TV addict (the test is sitting through a 12-hour marathon of Criminal Minds—nailed it).

So, it goes without saying that I've been watching White Collar since it premiered, and MY GOD is Matt Bomer gorgeous. I mean, really:

(All images via Matt Bomer's IMDb page—which, seriously, you should all do yourselves a favor and take a moment and go look through the other 150 photos)

How is this kind of symmetry even possible!? It's like when you imagine a fairy tale prince in your head, and he's hot and all up there on his white horse, but then you compare your prince to a picture of Matt Bomer and you're all, "Wow, now that's just unrealistic."

So yeah, Damsels, I know this hummana post is kind of random. And I know usually we tie our blog back to what's in the news or celebrity culture—you know, timely and apropos content about inappropriate side boob and the ilk. But today, I just want to kick back and bask in Matt Bomer's hotness because it needs to be celebrated. Join me, won't you?