Old Hollywood Damsels

So, today, Vanity Fair released the cover of their 2012 Hollywood Issue. This was exciting for multiple reasons.

Via vanityfair.com (From left to right: Rooney Mara, Mia Wasikowska, Jennifer Lawrence, Jessica Chastain, Elizabeth Olsen, Adepero Oduye, Shailene Woodley, Paula Patton, Felicity Jones, Lily Collins, and Brit Marling)

Firstly, everyone on the cover is dressed in Old Hollywood 20's glamor (glamour, as we English say), which is enthralling aesthetically and texturally. Literally, I'm dying over the silk use and the furs. Dahling, fetch me the brandy decanter (decanteur, as we sophisticates say). I simply can't go to the opera without first having my spirits! No, Dahling, don't give me that accusatory look. It wasn't me who fell over last time, before the performance even began, mind you. Such a scandal! (Apparently my 20's husband and I are lushes.)

Secondly, it features the lovely Jennifer Lawrence, who we all know plays Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games movie (coming out March 23). Having just finished all the books (as per my earlier promise), I have to say that my obsession with this series is bordering on insanity. Regardless, I think we could all use a little more Katniss in our lives. Hooray for Vanity Fair and its ability to pander to my specific needs.

Thirdly—and to go with the book theme—Rooney Mara (who initially I disliked, but now, after understanding who her boyfriend is and following him on twitter, and also realizing he is hilarious, I like) is featured on the cover as well. I am just starting to read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and I can't say I have any complaints thus far. Also, I am getting acclimated to Rooney's style. She doesn't seem to like color, but for whatever reason, it doesn't bother me. Maybe this is just some weird extension of her Dragon Tattoo character that I have unnecessarily thrust upon her person, but I'm digging it.

Fourthly, and still book-ly, Jessica Chastain is also on the cover, and The Help is awesome.

All of my excitement aside, I really have a bone to pick with Vanity Fair's art team. Can you tell who anyone is...really? I know once you look, and really look hard, most people can be identified. But here's the deal: See that girl about seven girls in with the long hair? Yes, the one in the center. That's Shailene Woodley who, amongst other quarrels with Vanity Fair about her general inclusion in stardom and Hollywood as a whole, I can't even recognize. Did you know that was her? I had to look at the list of people to deduce who most of the stars were on the cover, they are either so heavily airbrushed, or made up that they aren't distinguishable!

I need to take this moment, while I am relevantly talking about Shailene Woodley, to discuss her assent into the Hollywood set. Have you watched The Secret Life of the American Teenager on ABC Family? If not, this girl played Amy, the girl who gets preggers at band camp and has two terrible, gossipy best friends, and a really unrealistically needy and supportive boyfriend who wants to marry her all in the first season. Sounds juicy, right? Wrong. This television show is so poorly acted and written, you'd think they were reading for a radio play (not that I have any real qualms with radio plays, the voice-actors just don't have to be facially expressive). So my first question is: How did this girl get the audition for this movie with George Clooney that has shot her to fame? I mean, how did it happen? I guarantee he didn't watch the show and say, "She's the one I've been looking for!" Because he'd be certifiably insane to say so. So I just don't understand. I guess I will just need to see The Descendents and find out for myself. (Can we talk about her hair at the SAG Awards? Wet. Rag.)

Anyway, I'm loving the stylistics behind this Hollywood Issue, and I am loving mooooost of the actress choices (who doesn't love Elizabeth Olsen?). But, Shailene is baffling me on more than one account. What say you, Damsels? View larger pics of the massive cover after the jump:

Can anyone tell me why Shailene is posed the way she is? I am saying that no one else is booty-poppin' like her and I am not sure she got the memo of the shot's vibe. I also feel bad for the one who had the two braid buns. That's just plain bad luck.