Humma-no Humma-no: James Franco

I know, I know. Usually we feature hot guys on Wednesdays to bring a little eye candy to your week. But I need to get this off my chest: I want to see the Spring Breakers movie.

It stars Selena Gomez (Rachel's spirit animal), Ashley Benson (of Pretty Little Liars fame) and Vanessa Hudgens (of not wearing real pants fame), and I think it looks fantastically terrible. In a maybe they meant it to be this terrible, but it's still really bad, but I still love it beyond belief kind of way.

But the reason we need to talk about it is because James Franco plays a drug dealer who bails the main group of girls out of jail after they rob a restaurant to help pay for their spring break. Oh? Did I not mention that was the plot? Yeah. But let me repeat myself: James Franco is starring as a drug dealer.

And he's really taking his role to heart:

 All images via TheSuperficial.com

Humma-no, James Franco. Hum. A. No.

Hairy Damsels

I'm exhausted, fellow Damsels. No, not from being awesome all day, like you would guess, but from trying to track down a photo that seriously distrubed me this morning.

The photo...has vanished. But, I will tell you what it was of: Kristen Stewart with her hair half up, showing blonde roots.

Can we get to the root of the problem with recent celeb hair trends (terrible pun, but, remember, I'm exhausted)? I could kind of grasp the ombre trend. At first, I was like "purposely darkening your roots, are you insane?" and then I was like, "Oh, this is kind of cute when it's curly!" Then, people started dying the tips of their hair pastel colors. Whatever floats your boat, Lauren Conrad. Whatever floats your boat.

But then Rihanna did this:

via refinery29.com

And I can't really get over it, because it looks like she actually dyed it to be like that. I don't know a anyone whose roots grow out like that. So...why? Why did you make a football on your head?

The Kristen Stewart pic is ridiculous, although I do think maybe she was careless, and not plain crazy like Rihanna (eg. "showing my boobs in a see-through shirt makes me confident").

Anyway, celebs are supposed to be trend-forward and awesome, but they are also supposed to look good. Is this me just projecting rules on them? Maybe. Do I feel guilty about it? No. Sorry I'm not sorry.

In other news, anyone know who should replace Camille Grammer on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? I'm kind of sad to see her go...

Damsels Hem Along

Is it a maxi skirt? Is it a mini skirt? No, damsels—it's my latest obsession. It's a midi skirt.

Via Lulus.com

Meet the drop hem. The dip hem. The hi low hem. At first, I too looked at this gorgeous evolution of fashion as some weird hybrid to be mocked. I deemed it a mullet for clothes, and walked on. But like colored pants and sheer cut-outs before it, the drop hem wiggled it's way into the depths of my mind. It's a backwards-awesome-mullet of fashion, all business in the back and party in the front. It's flattering. It looks easy breezy. You can dress it up with a blazer at the office, or just throw on a casual tee for your weekend strolls at the farmers market because yeah, all of a sudden you're the kind of person who strolls at farmers markets.

So now I say ALL OF THE DROP HEMS!

 Via DorothyPerkins.com

 

 Via TopShop.com

Via ASOS.com

Nah, but seriously y'all, this is pretty cute.

Snakes on a Damsel?

I must preface this by saying that I love pregnancy, pregnant people, babies, baby gifts, and pretty much anything small and cute that smiles. With that, I also feel like there is a way to dress when you're pregnant that shows off your newly acquired bump, but is also flattering.

via celebuzz.com

Jessica Simpson is not dressing that way. At least not at her baby shower on March 18. I mean, come on. Maxis are hard enough to pull off for a regular person! This dress makes her look ten times bigger than she is. The blue snake print is literally doing NOTHING for her. In fact, she looks like what a guilty, guilty snake would look like after swallowing a baby elephant. I am not even sure if that is possible for a snake to do, but Jessica Simpson has made it possible to glimpse into that world, if such a world existed.

via celebuzz.com

It may be too late for you, Jess, but let's help the soon-to-be celeb-moms (wow, lot's of hyphens there!). Please s-t-b-c-m's, do not wear a flow-y, printed, maxi dress ever. It never ends well.

On the plus side, I love your hair! And I am also pretty sure your baby will be cute. So, there's that.

Hummana Hummana: Moar Hunger Mansels

It's no secret. Damsel HQ is abuzz with excitement for The Hunger Games. Yours Truly has tickets to the midnight premiere. We've posted about Katniss, in various ways, as well as her fellow tribute, Peeta and Mr. Miley Cyrus Gale (Liam Hemsworth) a ton recently. And, well, we've sort-of forgotten to include the other male cast members in all our frenzy.

So here's a look at some Hunger Mansels worth drooling over, or at least worth a second glance.

How could we forget you, Cinna (Lenny Kravitz)? I dig a guy who can pull off gold eye-liner like Mr. Kravitz can:

via mockingjay.net

Now, this facial hair was constructed by the beard-trimming gods! I actually like it and am not being sarcastic. I mean, I will admit it is a little drastic for your everyday tasks (Wes Bentley, who plays Seneca Crane, the head Gamemaker, actually admitted that while filming he would have to make stops at convenience stores and he would get some crazy looks from people, understandably), but it is pretty cool:

via mockingjay.net

Here's what Mr. Bentley actually looks like:

via mockingjay.net

Now, that's a mansel!

How about some male tributes? I'm on the fence about the hotness of these two. Megan hates this picture, but it is the only convenient one of two male tributes, so what can you do? I see her point though. The one with the sneer in the background is the son of Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid! (We hope he grows into his looks.)

via mockingjay.net

And...

via mockingjay.net

How did that get in there?

Oh, well! See you at the premiere!

WTHundreth

Today marks Damsel in a Dress's 100th post. 100 posts about things we love, hate or that make us lol are now on the interwebs for all eternity, and our loyal damsels across the world (what up, Russia?) still load our page now and then to read our tangents and at times hilarious opinions. Rachel and I hope to keep growing this little blog, but we have some pretty awesome readers already.

And to thank all of you for wasting your precious internet time with us every once in awhile, I share with you our recent vacation pictures in Vietnam. We just had so much fun!

Here we are about to get off the boat. I really love our respective pants, but I'm not crazy about my forehead flower—let's just say it looked a lot better in person, when I didn't have a mirror and was high on opium.

We made easy friends with the local children, who adored us obvs. I think Rachel's hat really made them feel at home! Oh wait, they already were at home and we were invading their homes. Semantics!

Rachel's crying jewels right now because the shop owner told her they were completely sold out of a matching pink neon fringe halter top in her size! Or at least I think that's what they said, idk really.

"This umbrella goes with this culture, right?" Although I do have to say my dress here is adorable.

"Wait, so it is organic? Why is she laughing?"

"...aaaaand we're lost."

(Disclaimer: all photos via Free People's March Catalog. Rachel and I really didn't go to Vietnam. It needed to be stated.)

HAPPY 100TH!!

The Luck of the Damsel

via celebuzz.com

"Happy St. Patrick's Day, sir! I've brought you some greenish-looking, grassy baked goods in a woven basket. They're just for you! I really must say, I love your hat. I love hats in general. They really complete an outfit. Speaking of outfits, don't you just love mine? You know, I had to break out the green for St. Patrick's Day, it was a must. The pin was just a little something on the side - I had to be festive! Coat-dresses are perfect for nearly every occaision. Unless you're at a gala. Then, I'm not sure it is entirely appropriate. Anyway, that red really works with your skin tone. Am I talking too much? I'm sorry. I'm just giddy. William will be home soon, and I can't wait! Is that guy behind me checking me out? Awkward..."

via celebuzz.com

WTFriday: Adrienne Bailon

You guys, THIS was not Adrienne Bailon's first offense. That cray, not-an-actual-dress dress is part of a line by Dominique Auxilly. And turns out Adrienne really likes her designs. Like, a lot:

Via FashionBombDaily.com

This gem is called the "Princess" dress. You can actually buy it here. And to be honest with you damsels, I don't know why you wouldn't snap this up right now for the low, low price of $298. It's tasteful, elegant and oh-so demure. It's in essence our favorite cheetah girl! Can't you just see Chanel Simmons running around Barcelona or India or wherever the heck Cheetah Girls 5: More Cheetah is taking them to in this little number? And our girl Raven would be wearing a muumuu version even though she's lost a lot of weight and looks fantastic and was sincerely hilarious in Revenge of the Bridesmaids (which was nothing like actual Bridesmaids, and maybe even better.  Yeah, I said it!).

Basically, this whole post was so I could talk about Raven. And Cheetah Girls. So, you know what Adrienne? Keep this craziness up, I will single-handedly revive your career. More than Rob Kardashian ever did, anyways.

Soul-Splitting Damsel

Guys, I love Miley. I know there are a lot of Miley-haters out there, and I have to say, very adamantly, that I don't know why this is, but "Haters gon' Hate."

This is why every time Miley steps out of the house, I am so worried. I just feel like I should be her protector. Or the person who suggests another stylist? Maybe that would be protection enough??

Every time she steps out on the town, I look at her face and her hair, and I say, "Miley, lookin cute, gurl! Look at your little ombre, spiral-curl locks, and your awesome makeup! I want your awesome look!" Then, I look down and my soul splits in half.

Once your soul splits in half, you can't recover. We all know that you have to harvest that part of your soul in some keepsake item and hide it in a safe space. But this is happening more and more frequently with Miley. I love her makeup, then I look down, and I have a Horcrux on my hands.

Via celebuzz.com

This time, at The Hunger Games premier I might add, was crazy. Miley was the brothel madame of a saloon in the Wild West, while her boyfriend (ahem, eye-candy) Liam Hemsworth was looking the part of the dapper gentleman, parting and combing his hair, like Scott Disick.

The skirt part of this ensemble looks like it could have been bought in the halls of Kohl's, while the top is actually super cute! Now, wait! Before you judge my support of bustiers, have some imagination! If she had paired this top with a more formal, high-waisted, floor-length skirt, it would have been totally appropriate and maybe even cute with a little edge. Even a shorter, high-waisted skirt would have been cute.

This was poor execution, Miley. I am still not a hater, but I get more disheartened every time you open your front door.

Now, where was I going to hide my Horcrux this time? I'm looking at you, Nagini...

Hummana Hummana: Hunger Mansels

Via UPI.com

So. Frickin'. PUMPED.

P.S. Hemsworth, I like your hair!

P.P.S. Josh, I don't care that you're short. You're adorable. You steal the show with your charming shenanigans, and I am such a sucker for shenanigans. I mean, look at you:

Via msnbc.com

You are so FUN. All of your fangirls are loving you up, like some scrumptious piece of delightful pie! And you're wearing a vest! You're all, "I know, right?! Pictures for everyone!"

P.P.P.S. Katniss—er, Jennifer, your dress was AWESOME. And you are AWESOME. And I'm pret-ty sure we'd be best friends if we met/not really because I'd be super intimidated and you'd be all badass and cool and I'd probably try too hard and ruin it. Or something. I haven't thought about it a lot.

P.P.P.P.S. Your dress looked so good though.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I know I should've made this a regular post, but we're all stuck with it now. This is what happens when I get too giddy. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, HUTCHERSON.

Minty Fresh Damsels

I've been enamored with mint lately. Mint everything—mint flavored tea in the morning, mint colored jeans, mint painted rooms, mint bags, mint shirts, mint dresses, mint shoes, mint socks, mint nail polish, mint accessories and...well, actual mints. Mint is refreshing, soothing and pretty. It's bright without being overly neon or too twee and pastel. Plus it looks great on most everyone.

So when I saw Nicole Richie out and about in this awesome mint green sweater, I obviously wanted it immediately.

Via Fabsugar.com

It's so cute. It's also so $545. I became bereft, and was left with no choice but to go on a mint online shopping rampage, which ended in me buying nothing, wanting everything, but being too scared to use my credit card after a fluke fraud debacle earlier today (true story). 

But because Spring is the perfect season for this color pallet cleanser, and because I am a selfless and loving Damsel, here are some of my most covetable, minty fresh finds.

Hudson Jeans via RevolveClothing.com

BCBGeneration Clutch via Zappos.com

Via JCrew.com

Essie Nail Polish in Mint Candy Apple via Nordstrom.com

You're welcome, world.

Damsels, Duchesses and Queens!

Oh my! Kate and the Queen kicked of the Diamond Jubilee Tour of the UK today at St. Pancras Station in London. Even more astonishing than the fact that both the Queen and the new Duchess walked in a public venue was the fact that they seem to be getting along rather nicely, even enjoying each other's company.

Via people.com

Who says the Queen is no fun? It seems like Kate enjoys her company a lot!

Via celebuzz.com

Here she is clapping and congratulating herself on having made it so far in life as to be friends with the Queen. She is probably also clapping along with the crowd in admiration of her use of the peplum trend, successfully wearing a hat without "looking the fool" (as Eliz II would say), as well as pulling off jewel tones on a daily basis. Add BFFs with the Queen and I'm pretty sure this girl does deserve a pat on the back.

Hummana, Hummana: The Charitable Man-sel

Two things will stand the test of time when it comes to men being hot.

1) Men doing nice things is really nice. It gives off the illusion that they could actually be nice people, and therefore, good husband-figures. Hey, I'm just the messenger.

2) A tan suit is always appropriate and really, should be worn more often. Few men wear tan suits and it is always a source of confusion. Why not opt for a more-casual-but-still-polished look sometimes? I think the tan suit is under-utilized.

My evidence?

Here is Prince Harry. (If there was room for a third point on men being hot, it would be that men who have some sort of noble title are automatically hot. Hey, I'm not hating on Harry's ginger locks, I'm just saying how did the Prince of Monaco snag his Olympic swimmer wife, and why does she always look miserable while he is old and crotchety? Nobility. That is why. Poor Charlene.)

Anyway, Harry is visiting Kingston, Jamaica so that he can mark all three things off on the timeless hotness charts.

Harry visits a children's hospital in Kingston, Jamaica. Via celebuzz.com

Tan suit? Check.

Harry visiting with the children of Bustamente Children's Hospital in Kingston, Jamaica. Via celebuzz.com

Charity? Check.

Aww. Via celebuzz.com

These kids are loving it. OK. I'm loving it too.

Hugh Damsel

Ever since I saw a pair of adorable faux-snakeskin, bright pink smoking slipper flats at Target, I've been obsessed. Yes, they're a little man-ish. Yes, they look like what Drag Queen Hugh Hefner might wear (aside: I totally want to meet Drag Queen Hugh Hefner, I bet that bitch has crazy game).

Via Target.com

But I love them.

They have an androgynous edge that sets them apart from ballet flats, and I dig it. The only problem is these are really uncomfortable. No offense, Target. You have some awesome shoes, I'm just sayin' these just do not satisfy the "slipper" requirement of "smoking slippers."

And I was all, "Aw man, I really want an awesome pair of smoking slippers, but they have to be as cute as those Target ones." Well, hello Sam Edelman!

Via Zappos.com

How badass are these?? It's like what Lisbeth Salander would wear if she wanted to don a velvet robe while puffing on a Cuban. Or Katniss Everdeen would wear these and kick President Snow IN THE FACE UNEXPECTEDLY BECAUSE YEAH, THESE ARE BADASS SMOKING SLIPPERS is what I'm saying.

Oh, and they also come in a rose gold color.

Via SoleStruck.com

And as if you needed more reason to get on this trend with me, Olivia Palermo is totally rocking it, too. Just submit now, Damsels. The Cubans are on me.

Damsels have Decency

There is a new trend in Hollywood, Damsels. And it is to show as much of your body as possible, while still wearing cloth. We saw it with Ashanti, and we'll certainly see it again. In fact, we'll see it right now. The latest starlet to unleash her feminine wiles on the red carpet is Adrienne Bailon, formerly of the Cheetah Girls.

Via celebuzz.com

Not only is this dress a monstrosity of design, in that it just has a bolt of fabric attached to the front for no apparent purpose, but also, if said fabric swatch were to just blow away in the wind, say, you would be exposed to Ms. Bailon's nether regions. I guess the Paps had a field day with this one, as that is exactly what happened.

Cheetah girls do walk on the wild side. Look how smug she is about it!

Via celebuzz.com

I think it is safe to say that it is just awkward for everyone else if you make a fashion choice like this. Everyone is worried for you and hoping conditions will work themselves out so nothing terrible happens, and then - bam. Wind gust! Full. Frontal. Exposure. Don't do this to the public. What did we do to deserve this punishment? I don't care how skinny you are, or cut, or ripped, or tan, or anything you are - even if you're hot, no one wants to endure that publicly.

Now, what you do in private? That's your concern.

Unless, of course, your phone is hacked. Justin Timberlake, I'm talking to you.

WTFriday: Kardashian Edition

America's Next Top Model has started, and I haven't been watching it. But I am intrigued. I hear it's half British models and that Kelly Cutrone is now a host, which alone is enough to entice me. I've loved her ever since her unnecessary and quite hilarious moments on The City and The Hills, so I'm always game for her shenanigans. Plus I'd LOVE to see a fight break out between TyTyBaby and Kelly because that shit would be UNREAL YOU GUYS. SO MUCH CAPS WOULD BE NECESSARY.

Anyway, so this was my general thinking until I heard Kris Jenner and her "model" daughters Kylie and Kendall Jenner were going to be on it. Now, I don't have anything against Kylie and Kendall, but Kris Jenner is Kinda Knuts. So I was unsure I'd be on board with all of the wackitude.

And then this happened:

And this:

This, too:

Images via Fashionista.com

This is...crazy. And creepy. Kreepy krazy. Nay, this is KRAZAZY. Not only am I going to have nightmares about that clown, but the Kardashians have forced me to create a new word:

Krazazy (krah-zay-zee): adj. Used to describe a Kardashian when they have entered a new realm of WTFitude.

In related news, I totally need to start watching America's Next Top Model. 

Scones in the Powder Room, Damsels

Dear me, Jeeves, but I am famished. And yes, you've read my mind. I'll take the scones in the Powder Room. I really can't be expected to attend all of these charity auctions and benefits, can I? A lady of noble decent can get just as tired as a commoner. Truly. Oh, Jeeves, I appreciate you complimenting my stamina, but really. I don't think I can carry on much longer - benefit to benefit, ball to ball, gala to gala...it is just too much.

Only one foreseeable solution, Jeeves. Yes. Get me my coat-dress. At least in a coat-dress I can go from event to event, perfectly dressed for both occasion and weather.

Via fabsugar.com

Yes, the white number will do for today. I really must go out and get more coat-dresses for the whole gamut of affairs I must attend this season, though. What should I wear next, Jeeves? For the Children's event of something-or-other?

Via graziadaily.co.uk

Oh, Jeeves, this one looks so wonderful from the side! You know, Jeeves, I think my spirits are really lifting! I think all I needed were a few coat-dresses to put an end to the endless wardrobe changes and a few flattering camera angles.

Oh, Jeeves. You are too much!