Via Celebuzz.com
Amber, Amber, Amber. Give Wiz the night off, and come over to my house for a veg sesh. We'll eat some cookie dough, a little pizza, maybe some chocolate covered pretzels. You're already wearing the perfect pants!
Showing posts with label bad bad bad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad bad bad. Show all posts
Friday, April 6, 2012
WTFriday: Damsel PJ Party!
Look, I know hearing your ex rap about a new flame in concert (even when you've moved on to an arguably better/at the very least more-sane rapper) can be tough—believe me, BEEN THERE—but that's no excuse to do...this:
Friday, March 16, 2012
WTFriday: Adrienne Bailon
You guys, THIS was not Adrienne Bailon's first offense. That cray, not-an-actual-dress dress is part of a line by Dominique Auxilly. And turns out Adrienne really likes her designs. Like, a lot:
This gem is called the "Princess" dress. You can actually buy it here. And to be honest with you damsels, I don't know why you wouldn't snap this up right now for the low, low price of $298. It's tasteful, elegant and oh-so demure. It's in essence our favorite cheetah girl! Can't you just see Chanel Simmons running around Barcelona or India or wherever the heck Cheetah Girls 5: More Cheetah is taking them to in this little number? And our girl Raven would be wearing a muumuu version even though she's lost a lot of weight and looks fantastic and was sincerely hilarious in Revenge of the Bridesmaids (which was nothing like actual Bridesmaids, and maybe even better. Yeah, I said it!).
Basically, this whole post was so I could talk about Raven. And Cheetah Girls. So, you know what Adrienne? Keep this craziness up, I will single-handedly revive your career. More than Rob Kardashian ever did, anyways.
This gem is called the "Princess" dress. You can actually buy it here. And to be honest with you damsels, I don't know why you wouldn't snap this up right now for the low, low price of $298. It's tasteful, elegant and oh-so demure. It's in essence our favorite cheetah girl! Can't you just see Chanel Simmons running around Barcelona or India or wherever the heck Cheetah Girls 5: More Cheetah is taking them to in this little number? And our girl Raven would be wearing a muumuu version even though she's lost a lot of weight and looks fantastic and was sincerely hilarious in Revenge of the Bridesmaids (which was nothing like actual Bridesmaids, and maybe even better. Yeah, I said it!).
Basically, this whole post was so I could talk about Raven. And Cheetah Girls. So, you know what Adrienne? Keep this craziness up, I will single-handedly revive your career. More than Rob Kardashian ever did, anyways.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Lace is for the Bedroom, Damsels
Well, happy holidays and all that jazz, Damsels. What's that? I don't seem cheery? Well, if you insist, it is because something incredibly terrible happened shortly before the holidays began. And, simply nothing can raise my spirits - not the return of Pretty Little Liars, The Lying Game, or even Once Upon A Time.
No. No amount of new episodes can wash this travesty away:
Oh, Vanessa Hudgens. You are so wed to your hippie ways that you've refused to live amongst your society. Vanessa, dear. Didn't anyone tell you that see-through lace is for the bedroom?
Oh sure, a dash here, a tad there - show your back, even, we won't judge you! We'll applaud you. But this is going too far. These are transparent lace pants with hot shorts beneath them.
To be fair, I'm sure all of us are thankful for the short-shorts. Girl, clean yourself up and get a stylist who maybe doesn't list you first on their hate-list, mmmkay?
Happy New Year, Damsels. I think we all know what Vanessa's resolution will be.
No. No amount of new episodes can wash this travesty away:
 |
| Via celebuzz.com |
Oh sure, a dash here, a tad there - show your back, even, we won't judge you! We'll applaud you. But this is going too far. These are transparent lace pants with hot shorts beneath them.
To be fair, I'm sure all of us are thankful for the short-shorts. Girl, clean yourself up and get a stylist who maybe doesn't list you first on their hate-list, mmmkay?
Happy New Year, Damsels. I think we all know what Vanessa's resolution will be.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Damsels Shocked Senseless
Something happened today, Damsels. Something completely shocking. Something I never thought possible. I, a proud English major, saw something beyond words. Something that literally made me speechless. And, not the dramatic, I'm saying I'm speechless for emphasis kind of speechless. I mean, gaping mouth, bugged-out eyes, catch-your-breath speechless.
Now that I've said "speechless" at least five times, I'm hoping you get the point. Because there are genuinely no words that can describe what I am about to show you in an apt manner. Words simply can't divulge the kind of horror this image possesses.
The nights of insomnia I'm about to incur by seeing this image again, in order to impart its devastation unto you, are worth it. Because, in this case, seeing is believing. I must warn you, what you are about to see is graphic in nature.
It is true. What you are seeing is some sort of blue, transparent crocheted maxi-length terror designed to evoke extreme depression and pain. There seems to be a sort of draped, ribbon-esque tail trailing off at the bottom, inexplicably. Unseemly parts of the female body have been covered, rather shabbily, by larger, ribboned crochet job in a haphazard, devil-may-care sort of way.
But no, we're not finished, I'm afraid.
Its heinous crimes continue on the back. A dreadlock-type ribbon seems to be hanging limply off of her elbow. The larger crochet appears to only partially hide a lady's unseemly bits, and it has been styled with patent-leather combat boots.
Please hold while I burn my eyes off.
Now that I've said "speechless" at least five times, I'm hoping you get the point. Because there are genuinely no words that can describe what I am about to show you in an apt manner. Words simply can't divulge the kind of horror this image possesses.
The nights of insomnia I'm about to incur by seeing this image again, in order to impart its devastation unto you, are worth it. Because, in this case, seeing is believing. I must warn you, what you are about to see is graphic in nature.
 |
| Via asos.com |
It is true. What you are seeing is some sort of blue, transparent crocheted maxi-length terror designed to evoke extreme depression and pain. There seems to be a sort of draped, ribbon-esque tail trailing off at the bottom, inexplicably. Unseemly parts of the female body have been covered, rather shabbily, by larger, ribboned crochet job in a haphazard, devil-may-care sort of way.
But no, we're not finished, I'm afraid.
 |
| Via asos.com |
Its heinous crimes continue on the back. A dreadlock-type ribbon seems to be hanging limply off of her elbow. The larger crochet appears to only partially hide a lady's unseemly bits, and it has been styled with patent-leather combat boots.
Please hold while I burn my eyes off.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Damsel Rosanna Arquette is Leaking
Oh, honey. No.
Let me introduce you to Exhibit A:
This is Rosanna Arquette, who—according to Wikipedia and IMDB—apparently made appearances in Pulp Fiction and Joe Dirt (to name a few), and who—also according to Wikipedia—is also the sister of Patricia, Alexis, Richmond and David Arquette. Before we go off on a tangent about the productivity of the parental Arquettes, let's discuss the real issue.
Whoa. Who would wear this? This is not flattering in any way and on so many levels! The first thing I said to myself when I saw it was, "that's a really unfortunate placement of red color." And, please, before you all start expounding on how gross that is, don't deny that you thought it too. Nobody in their right mind would wear a garment with red streaming down the front in that specific area. This is cracked out.
And, now, maybe there's one of you out there who is saying, "OK, so it is unfortunate about the reddish, brownish leakage, and the turtle neck, it would be better if it wasn't so snake-like, well...and also the varying sizes of polka dots are not the best, and—"
Well, quit your excuses! If this isn't undeniable evidence as to the complete insanity of this outfit, allow me to present Exhibit B:
The back. Yes, that IS the digital member of the Blue Man Group tuning in between her shoulder blades. Because, of course, when you're creating a garment meant for someone with a face, it is clear that you should put another face on the back of said garment, just to create general confusion, or at the very least, communicate with the extra-terrestrials out there.
Oh, and yes. Please, while you're at it with the faces, why not make it all even out and continue the reddish brown leakage in the back too. Symmetry is so important.
Enough of my stream of consciousness, how do you feel about this dress, Damsels? Would you wear it to a premier for the whole world to see and paparazzi to photograph you so you could be reminded of it for the rest of time? Who let her do this? Who let this happen?!?! I rest my case.
Let me introduce you to Exhibit A:
 |
| Via Go Fug Yourself |
Whoa. Who would wear this? This is not flattering in any way and on so many levels! The first thing I said to myself when I saw it was, "that's a really unfortunate placement of red color." And, please, before you all start expounding on how gross that is, don't deny that you thought it too. Nobody in their right mind would wear a garment with red streaming down the front in that specific area. This is cracked out.
And, now, maybe there's one of you out there who is saying, "OK, so it is unfortunate about the reddish, brownish leakage, and the turtle neck, it would be better if it wasn't so snake-like, well...and also the varying sizes of polka dots are not the best, and—"
Well, quit your excuses! If this isn't undeniable evidence as to the complete insanity of this outfit, allow me to present Exhibit B:
 |
| Via Go Fug Yourself |
Oh, and yes. Please, while you're at it with the faces, why not make it all even out and continue the reddish brown leakage in the back too. Symmetry is so important.
Enough of my stream of consciousness, how do you feel about this dress, Damsels? Would you wear it to a premier for the whole world to see and paparazzi to photograph you so you could be reminded of it for the rest of time? Who let her do this? Who let this happen?!?! I rest my case.
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