Damsels in Leather Shorts

All right, so at the risk of my love for Olivia Palermo's wardrobe/hair becoming obsessive, I'd like to talk about her shorts – specifically, her red leather Tibi shorts she wore to to the Tibi Spring 2012 MBFW show.

Via CelebrityFashion.OnSugar.com

SO. MUCH. WANT.

Can you blame me with becoming obsessed with leather shorts since? I can't stop imagining myself wearing them with cute booties and a chunky sweater. Or a breezy blouse à la Olivia. Or with textured tights. Or really, with anything!

The only thing about leather shorts is that the "leather" part can get pret-ty pricey. The Tibi shorts OP is rocking the pants off of (get it?) are $550 on ShopBop.com:

Via ShopBop.com

Totally cute, totally expensivo.

Luckily, I've found an equally chic pair that are not only less money, but also animal-friendly....after the jump.

Damsels Hate Your Costume

I am a huge fan of Halloween. I love dressing up for a night and getting creative with what I want to "be." And seriously, the wackier the better. I even broke a cardinal Damsel rule last year and rocked a bear costume with paws and those fuzzy leg warmers Rachel hates. And I LOVED every second of it.

But here's the thing: sometimes these costumes are just TOO ridiculous. Yandy.com, aka the black hole of all my free time, has a vast array of disguises from the skanky to the wacky (or, to my glee, sometimes both). Here's a few I think are a bit more of a trick than they are a treat.

This is the Deluxe Pirate Queen Costume, it has five parts to it and costs $200 dollars. I had no idea this was even supposed to be a pirate. To me, it looks like something Cher might throw on if her next music video was set to take place on a ranch. 'Cause that's just how she rolls. Hatred factor: 5/10.

This one might need no words. Well, okay, here's one: NO. If Hulk Hogan can't even pull off this look, what made some high costume designer think that anyone else would in the Sexy Hulkamania Costume (seriously)? Hatred factor: 7/10 (points awarded for LOL-iness).

There's more gag-worthy costumes...after the jump.

Man-sels in Disguise

Ah, Halloween. Why do women always have to be the sexy ones? Here at Damsel in a Dress, we think that men should be sexy, too. So say hello to our male costume suggestions for Halloween. Feel free to stare.

For the heart breaker:

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmfl4oyjVt1qb1a1w.jpg

Edward from Twilight - throw on some sparkles, gel up your crazy long hair and some garb from the turn of the century. We promise you'll get all the girls (even if they may be on the younger side).

For the mystery man:

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNYpNTsZcf7uuIkJRPbG14F71vhRJXDZn5NMIXUxB0uyd5kIwu_b-kqRZ4tfhpffVDuX0JZcFco_q_aT7UXVwquxGYOZkESw2IlJ13CfsTGYWAr70TVkighWE7Pmb3FiQg-w5aTaloe5Q/s1600/Zorro+Costumes+02.jpg

Zorro - a mask and a cape. Nothing's more intriguing than a masked crusader.

For the barbarian in your life:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31jdNRHVazL.jpg

A Caveman - the perfect excuse to be shirtless on Halloween. Anything leopard print works for this one (though your man might want - or need! - a tad more fabric). You're welcome.

For the fighter:

http://www.mypartyplanner.com/common/d_images/products/00/01/8B/image_101257.jpg

A Warrior - because every woman loves to feel protected. A shield, a sword and some sandals will take your average bedsheet into 300 territory.

So there you go. Which one will you make your man wear? Or, which one will you be on the look out for come Halloween night out?

Damsels in the Hood

I have to say that this Halloween, there is one trend that I particularly like. It is the addition of a hood. I love it for many reasons: You can DIY the rest of the costume (read: cheaper!) and it looks way cute with long, curly hair (read: love any excuse for curls). Hoods allow you to be so many things (read: so many animals—which is even better).

Take a look at a few of my faves, all from yandy.com:

Those hamster hood-rats from the Kia commercials:

yandy.com

A Shark:

yandy.com

A Panda:

yandy.com

A Bear:

yandy.com

The possibilities are endless!

Make it even more crafty and use your own hood, or a DIY headband.

(Hoods aside, no one should get behind these crazy, fuzzy leg warmers. No one. For your own good.)

Do Damsels Dig Capes?

This past weekend, I threw out my back. I haven’t been stretching lately and I ended up doing a lot more walking than I had anticipated after being on bed rest for two days, causing my lower back to seize up and forcing me to finish my unicorn costume in a horizontal position while pitifully whimpering. This could mean one of two things:

1. I need to treat my body better
2. I’m actually 80 years old

I’m currently leaning towards the latter because I want to start knitting and I think I may be having a love affair with capes. 

Now at first, I was all anti-cape. Who would want to wear that, said I? What use would I have for these faux-jacket mockeries? But then I started seeing them everywhere.

 Milly Siennea Belted Cape via ShopBop.com

 

Fatigue Finery Cape via Anthropologie.com

 

Nanette Lepore 'Kiss A Lot' Sweater Cape via Nordstrom.com

And I think I may be crushin’. Not on the shapeless, baggy, horrible capes mind you, but the posh capes that you might imagine yourself wearing while strolling down Park Ave with a coffee in your hand. In leather pants. Or dark skinny jeans. With boots. And maybe a furry cassock? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??

What say you, dear damsels? Would you wear this trend or do you want to escape the cape?

Damsels in Kelly Green

Last month I became obsessed with finding a kelly green sweater. I was constantly checking online and in stores, but to no avail. But then I strolled into the Forever 21 near work and, like a mini-miracle, there it was. It just looked up at me with it's perfect self and whispered, "Buy me, I'm only $14.50." So I did.

It was a fairy tale ending to all of my struggle and hardship, and you'd think my fixation would have ended there. But you'd be very, very wrong.

I've been bit by the kelly green bug! And I can't help but lust after all the grass-colored accessories out there.

A kelly green hat!

 Via ModCloth.com

A kelly green necklace!

 Via MaxandChloe.com

A kelly green bag!

 Via Nordstrom.com

If only I had enough "green" to buy all of this green.

Damsels Wear Statement Necklaces

Confession: I love Olivia Palermo. I know she was a huge bitch on The City and everyone hated her and she was a terrible worker at Elle. I know this. But her hair is just so shiny and she is just so pretty that I can't help but want to be her friend.

I mean, look!

Via FabSugar.com

See?

So because of my love for OP, I've become obsessed with statement necklaces lately. She wears them all the time, and they always look so good on her! It's super infectious. Now whenever I pick out an outfit, I just think, "A statement necklace would just MAKE this." And it seriously would.

Via Nordstrom.com

Via ShopBop.com

Via Anthropologie.com

Via Endless.com

I want.

Hummana Hummana: Man-sels parting their hair

Is it just me? Am I the only one in the world that likes a man with a little bit of a coiffure? When did it become lame for a man to put some time into his hair style? I don't know if I will be shunned for this viewpoint or not, but I like a man who combs and parts his hair. It doesn't have to be every day, in fact...it makes a nice change for special occasions.

Now, in no way am I condoning anything slicked back with pounds of gel or pomade. Do you hear me? IN NO WAY AM I CONDONING loads of product or greasy, car salesmen styles. But a little combing? A little part here and there? A spritz of hairspray or two? Is that hurting anyone?

It certainly isn't hurting me. Do you agree?

You can't tell me this doesn't look like someone cleaned up:

Via ology.com

Or that this man isn't distinguished. The hair tells the story.

Via askmen.com

Certainly, no one can fight with a legend:

Via ryanseacrest.com

And, you simply can't argue with the standards of a Royal Wedding (or this serious man-candy). A standard rule applies. If it's good enough for Kate Middleton, it is good enough for me.

Via popcrunch.com

Damsel Katie Price...Pants-less?

Anytime you have to say the word, "pants-less," you know what you're saying is not going to be classy. But, anytime you actually show up at an event pants-less, you know you've gone literally balls-to-the-walls insane. I mean, really. How crazy do you have to be to show up at an event completely undressed from the pelvis down? Are there actually people out there who say, "Yes, I'm going to this event. And, yeah! I think I'll try it pants-less this time—that's a great idea!"

Ladies and gentlemen, look no further than Katie Price/Jordan. She might be pants-less, but I'm speech-less.

Via gofugyourself.com

No words.

A City on a Damsel?

Lost cities like Atlantis and El Dorado always fascinated me as a child. The romantic notion that an entire culture had been lost and could be rediscovered was exciting, and a part of me still fantasizes that someday I'll stumble into some National Treasure-esque adventure that will snowball into me being chased by bad guys/finding important historical treasures/obvi saving the world. This city, however, is one I wish I had never uncovered:

Via TopShop.com

My dear damsels, this shift maxi dress by Unique** costs $270 and features a "gold city print" smack dab over your lady parts.

And in case you thought this was some freak accident that somehow slipped past the designer and was pushed through by a spiteful intern hell-bent on making women look like frumpy pillow cases while drawing attention to our uteri with images of metropolitan infrastructure, it also comes in a shorter version:

Via TopShop.com

And they say lightening never strikes twice. I think I speak for both myself and my oh-so-fashionable uterus when I vote we find each and every one of these dresses...and burn them all.

Damsel in a Maxi Dress

I would like to preface this post by saying that at one point, I was THE anti-maxi dress queen. I was the president, the vice president, the secretary, and even the treasurer of the anti-maxi club (our meetings were really fun, the discussions...left a little to be desired). I thought they were unflattering and too '70s (bad '70s, not cute, "Let's bring back retro!" '70s).

Alas, I've had a change of heart. But not a complete change. I still think (and I can speak for the rest of the anti-maxi club when I say this) that some maxi dresses bring a bad taste to my mouth. The ill-fitting empire waist, over-size hem ones, to be specific.

But this! This is a shining beacon of light in the world of the maxi dress! It truly made me re-evaluate my morals...well, my maxi morals. Take a look:

Via asos.com

This maxi dress is simple. It is effortless. It inspired me to go on a crazy, online shopping extravaganza in which I looked and looked for simple maxi dresses and skirts that compared. Alas, this is one of the few exemplary styles. There were some other skirts that caught my eye, but this one had the perfect ratio of tailored fit and sleeve length. But this is where the elation ends, my friends. Because this dress, from asos.com, with all of its (dare I say it?) maxi perfection, is sold out and out of stock. No matter how many times I refreshed the page, or whimpered longingly at the screen, that fact remained.

I guess now, having met with the one maxi dress that could change my ways, it is only fitting that I can't have it. Too many years in an anti-maxi club can give you bad karma.

It's Leathah, Damsels!

Lately, I've been wondering if I'm going slightly insane. It's just a small voice in the back of my mind telling me, "Are you serious about liking leather leggings right now?" And I try to tell this voice, "No, no, I couldn't possibly like those!" as I nervously shift my eyes back and forth and drum my fingernails on the couch cushion. Because, I explain to myself, "Leather leggings are tacky, Lindsay Lohan-type vestments. No one likes Lohan style. No one likes tacky! I DO NOT LIKE LEATHER LEGGINGS! I PROMISE I DON'T!"

This is the point where the voice in my head says, "Please, you're being a little too defensive. I see right through you."

Via nordstrom.com

Okay! So I admit it. I do like leather leggings! And maybe they aren't tacky anymore. Picture some cute muted (not shiny—that, my friends, is still tacky) black leggings with a soft chunky sweater and some flats. Or, if I must entice you further, imagine some burnt red leather, or dark teal leather leggings with the same chunky sweater! Cozy with an element of edge.

Via net-a-porter.com

This burnt red/orange number is the reason for all this madness in the first place. I blame you, Net-A-Porter!

I don't know anymore. All the voices in my head are conflicting. You tell me, am I crazy?

Hummana Hummana: Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling is everywhere these days. And not in an, "ugh, Ryan Gosling is everywhere these days," but said with sincere joy and a sigh of longing. Earlier this year he was in Crazy, Stupid, Love, and now Drive and Ides of March are both in theaters, providing movie-goers with twice the opportunity to see his pretty face in all its silver screen glory.

But as I'm sure you've heard by now, the press has found the one person in the universe who doesn't find Ryan Gosling gut-wrenchingly handsome - and it's RG himself! He recently told the Daily Mail that he thinks he's a, "pretty weird-looking guy."

Well, I've got news for you buddy:

Via Zambio.com

I strongly disagree. Enjoy staring at the chiseled jaw and sweet blue eyes of this Wednesday's (apparently mirror-less) Hummana Hummana.

Damsels Hate Fringe Crochet

I was carelessly flipping through shopping sites when I stumbled upon something so outrageous that I literally clutched my hand to my throat. It was a very Scarlet O'Hara moment you see, because my rent check just went through causing my bank account to dwindle down to a state of affairs one would normally associate with fashioning dresses out of curtains. So it appalled me that while my budget only allowed fantasy DIY ensembles, someone out there was willing to pay $78 for THIS:

Via NastyGal.com

I'm offended for so many reasons. Even the model seems to be saying, "Really? This is what I'm wearing?" I like crochet, but this is not crochet. This is the discarded project of some sweet lady named Marge with severe ADD who started knitting what I'm sure was to be a lovely sweater, but got excited to leave for her weekly book club meeting, and so haphazardly abandoned her work with the sincere intent to return to it the next day.

Well friends, Marge died on the way to that meeting. And as an act of mourning, her grief-addled family sold her last (albeit questionable) design to a hipster clothing company called UNIF who thought, "Yeah, we can get people to wear this."

For the sake of both Marge and my eyes, I wish she had never picked up those sewing needles. RIP.

Hummana Hummana: Taylor Lautner for GQ

Taylor Lautner graces the latest cover of Australian GQ this month in some savory '60s styles. It is now clear to me why these fashions are coming back. I love a skinny tie, and a close-fit, tailored suit on any man!

And no, this doesn't mean I'm 'Team Jacob.' I just appreciate an impeccable fit. (Though I have been known to appear at my fair share of midnight Twilight premieres...)

Mr. Lautner, you've come a long way from your denim cut-off wearing, werewolf-shifting days of yore. Bask with us in the glory of our first Wednesday Hummana Hummana:

Admittedly, this next one weirds me out a bit: