Damsels Hate Fringe Crochet

I was carelessly flipping through shopping sites when I stumbled upon something so outrageous that I literally clutched my hand to my throat. It was a very Scarlet O'Hara moment you see, because my rent check just went through causing my bank account to dwindle down to a state of affairs one would normally associate with fashioning dresses out of curtains. So it appalled me that while my budget only allowed fantasy DIY ensembles, someone out there was willing to pay $78 for THIS:

Via NastyGal.com

I'm offended for so many reasons. Even the model seems to be saying, "Really? This is what I'm wearing?" I like crochet, but this is not crochet. This is the discarded project of some sweet lady named Marge with severe ADD who started knitting what I'm sure was to be a lovely sweater, but got excited to leave for her weekly book club meeting, and so haphazardly abandoned her work with the sincere intent to return to it the next day.

Well friends, Marge died on the way to that meeting. And as an act of mourning, her grief-addled family sold her last (albeit questionable) design to a hipster clothing company called UNIF who thought, "Yeah, we can get people to wear this."

For the sake of both Marge and my eyes, I wish she had never picked up those sewing needles. RIP.