Damsels Hate Your Costume

I am a huge fan of Halloween. I love dressing up for a night and getting creative with what I want to "be." And seriously, the wackier the better. I even broke a cardinal Damsel rule last year and rocked a bear costume with paws and those fuzzy leg warmers Rachel hates. And I LOVED every second of it.

But here's the thing: sometimes these costumes are just TOO ridiculous. Yandy.com, aka the black hole of all my free time, has a vast array of disguises from the skanky to the wacky (or, to my glee, sometimes both). Here's a few I think are a bit more of a trick than they are a treat.

This is the Deluxe Pirate Queen Costume, it has five parts to it and costs $200 dollars. I had no idea this was even supposed to be a pirate. To me, it looks like something Cher might throw on if her next music video was set to take place on a ranch. 'Cause that's just how she rolls. Hatred factor: 5/10.

This one might need no words. Well, okay, here's one: NO. If Hulk Hogan can't even pull off this look, what made some high costume designer think that anyone else would in the Sexy Hulkamania Costume (seriously)? Hatred factor: 7/10 (points awarded for LOL-iness).

There's more gag-worthy costumes...after the jump.

Okay, on second thought, I actually might love this Sexy Captain Hook Costume. I vacillate back and forth between intense loathing and adoration with most of these costumes, but I think what throws me off with this one is the hook - why does her arm look so flippin' weird, like some wrinkly plastic faux-arm? And I know that's her real arm, so what kind of mind-bending costume is this?! Hatred factor: 4/10.

HATE. Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate. What's on your head, slutty Deluxe Rainbow Clown? Exactly where are you performing? Why did you take so much crystal meth? I also love that this costume description has to emphasize, "Hot shorts not included." If any piece of clothing ever tells you that, I'd say it's a definite no-go. Hatred factor: 10/10.

As often happens, sometimes the slut-factor of these costumes broaches a whole new level. And though this Sexy Construction Worker Costume is actually still more covered up than some of its brethren (I KNOW), it's the unattractive and unflattering proportions of this costume that have me in a tizzy. You want to wear almost no top and let your girls go wild? Fine. But you want to pair it with a weird satin skirt that hangs strangely and not-quite-knee-high socks? Really? Hatred Factor: 9/10.

Happy Halloween. We'll be judging you.