Old Hollywood Damsels

So, today, Vanity Fair released the cover of their 2012 Hollywood Issue. This was exciting for multiple reasons.

Via vanityfair.com (From left to right: Rooney Mara, Mia Wasikowska, Jennifer Lawrence, Jessica Chastain, Elizabeth Olsen, Adepero Oduye, Shailene Woodley, Paula Patton, Felicity Jones, Lily Collins, and Brit Marling)

Firstly, everyone on the cover is dressed in Old Hollywood 20's glamor (glamour, as we English say), which is enthralling aesthetically and texturally. Literally, I'm dying over the silk use and the furs. Dahling, fetch me the brandy decanter (decanteur, as we sophisticates say). I simply can't go to the opera without first having my spirits! No, Dahling, don't give me that accusatory look. It wasn't me who fell over last time, before the performance even began, mind you. Such a scandal! (Apparently my 20's husband and I are lushes.)

Secondly, it features the lovely Jennifer Lawrence, who we all know plays Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games movie (coming out March 23). Having just finished all the books (as per my earlier promise), I have to say that my obsession with this series is bordering on insanity. Regardless, I think we could all use a little more Katniss in our lives. Hooray for Vanity Fair and its ability to pander to my specific needs.

Thirdly—and to go with the book theme—Rooney Mara (who initially I disliked, but now, after understanding who her boyfriend is and following him on twitter, and also realizing he is hilarious, I like) is featured on the cover as well. I am just starting to read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and I can't say I have any complaints thus far. Also, I am getting acclimated to Rooney's style. She doesn't seem to like color, but for whatever reason, it doesn't bother me. Maybe this is just some weird extension of her Dragon Tattoo character that I have unnecessarily thrust upon her person, but I'm digging it.

Fourthly, and still book-ly, Jessica Chastain is also on the cover, and The Help is awesome.

All of my excitement aside, I really have a bone to pick with Vanity Fair's art team. Can you tell who anyone is...really? I know once you look, and really look hard, most people can be identified. But here's the deal: See that girl about seven girls in with the long hair? Yes, the one in the center. That's Shailene Woodley who, amongst other quarrels with Vanity Fair about her general inclusion in stardom and Hollywood as a whole, I can't even recognize. Did you know that was her? I had to look at the list of people to deduce who most of the stars were on the cover, they are either so heavily airbrushed, or made up that they aren't distinguishable!

I need to take this moment, while I am relevantly talking about Shailene Woodley, to discuss her assent into the Hollywood set. Have you watched The Secret Life of the American Teenager on ABC Family? If not, this girl played Amy, the girl who gets preggers at band camp and has two terrible, gossipy best friends, and a really unrealistically needy and supportive boyfriend who wants to marry her all in the first season. Sounds juicy, right? Wrong. This television show is so poorly acted and written, you'd think they were reading for a radio play (not that I have any real qualms with radio plays, the voice-actors just don't have to be facially expressive). So my first question is: How did this girl get the audition for this movie with George Clooney that has shot her to fame? I mean, how did it happen? I guarantee he didn't watch the show and say, "She's the one I've been looking for!" Because he'd be certifiably insane to say so. So I just don't understand. I guess I will just need to see The Descendents and find out for myself. (Can we talk about her hair at the SAG Awards? Wet. Rag.)

Anyway, I'm loving the stylistics behind this Hollywood Issue, and I am loving mooooost of the actress choices (who doesn't love Elizabeth Olsen?). But, Shailene is baffling me on more than one account. What say you, Damsels? View larger pics of the massive cover after the jump:

Damsels Slit it Up

Damsels, I just wasn't very impressed with the SAG Awards. There was some feh, some fug, a few fab, but mostly I just felt underwhelmed.

That is, except when I saw that Lea Michelle's upper-thigh area was TRYING TO ESCAPE:

Via Celebuzz.com

GIRL. That is virtually your entire leg. Plus a little extra. Not that you don't have the gams for this dress -- you obviously do -- but the fact that you probably had to get a bikini wax just to wear this cone-boob-gray-thing makes me feel uncomfortable.

But you know who's working this shot is the photographer in the background. I love his expression, mostly because his face is TOTALLY doing what my face is right now. Twinsies!

Damsels are Pleats to Meet You

In a complete and utter change of character (seriously, like, lobotomy-style) I've started to really like country music. It's half because I have a part-time job at a country-style saloon (seriously), but partly because most of the songs are super sweet and just so gosh darn cute.

Kind of like Taylor Swift here.

Via DailyMail.co.uk

Girl, you are workin' my two favorite trends right now: mustard and pleats. And you are also playing on my Pandora "Sugarland" station. All in all, great job.

Oh, one more thing, you also looked super cute here, too:

Damsels Heart Disney Hipsters

OK, normally, we Damsels would be hipster-haters. But, we stumbled upon this earlier today, and we kind of love it. Mostly because it involves Disney, and what person born in our generation (with a soul) does not adore Disney? Before I go on a Disney rant, I will get to the point. Not only do I wish several of these pieces existed, but also I covet all of their hair. Let me give you a glimpse of what I speak of:

Via thegloss.com

I'm into Cinderella's hairband, and definitely love Pocahontas's fur vest. I already own Ariel's pants and please, a dress like Tiana's is awesome anyway you look at it (dying over that mustard color right now). Don't worry, the rest of the princesses made it too (Jasmine is my favorite in this grouping - get it girl!):

Via thegloss.com

What do you make of these princesses shopping at their local Urban Outfitters? (I know, don't get me started on Anastasia - who doesn't know she wasn't Disney? Outrage!)

Hummana Hummana: Neville Longbottom

Ok, if you're a Damsel, you already know this, but Matt Lewis is a DREAM BOAT. Who would have guessed that Neville Longbottom could be, a) way badass in the last installments of the Harry Potter books and films and b) so incredibly good-looking.

You know it, we know it. So here it is for your enjoyment. (Complete with pocket-watch for those of us who just love to picture men in turn-of-the-century garb.)

Via wikia.com

KimoNO, Damsels

I love this.

Don't be coy. Turn around.

 Via NastyGal.com

THERE it is.

I seriously love this. Not because it's cute. Or normal. Or because I want to wear it. In fact, it's actually quite terrifying that someone, somewhere has probably paid the $172. No no, I love it because I yearn to meet the woman who wants to wear this.

I imagine her as middle-aged with a Joan Rivers-esque blowout and a martini in her hand. She wears sunglasses in the house and sky-high wedges around the pool. She makes delivery men and babies uncomfortable. In a word, she is glorious, and this frayed, fringed, halfhearted, crocheted KIMONO would be what she'd wear on a low-key, lie-around-the-mansion kind of day. You know, seducing the pool boy, and such.

I would not, however, recommend this for us plebeians.

It's Chambray or the Highway, Damsels!

I really, really, really, really, really want a chambray top.

 Via Madewell.com

Really.

The idea of a jeans-on-top-look doesn't necessarily appeal to me, though I have been known to enjoy a good denim jacket every once in a while. But jean shirts -- especially jean button down shirts -- were always a little too country and "yee-haw!" for my taste.

Chambray, however, is different. I love how soft the shirts always look, and how well they pair with a patterned skirt or colorful pants. It's like a jean shirt that someone loved A LOT and washed over and over and over again for years until it became a faded, worn-in version of itself. A sun-bleached, pebble-beaten, charming version. And my newest obsession.

P.S. Madewell -- I'm diggin' the ombre.

Damsels Wu-ed by Target

Welp, procrastination has saved me once again, Damsels. There I was last night, all set to write a post about the few preview pieces for the Jason Wu for Target collection. I had the photos, I was perusing them, but I felt unexcited. This is not a reflection of Jason Wu's collection, mind you. It was more from every fashion website and their mother covering the sample pictures. Cute dresses, structured bags, "I'll be shopping these steals for sure," blah, blah, blah. I just couldn't muster the gag reflex to write it, so I closed my computer and went to bed.

But today I awoke to all 53 pieces in their unveiled glory, and to say it reinvigorated my enthusiasm is an understatement! Everything feels so nautical and French. I'm giddy from all the bows, belts and collars, not to mention the seasonal whimsy of stripes.

Yet my favorite item, the one I will be rushing to the store to get, is one I expect to be fully judged for coveting. Behold, number one on my wishlist: the cat scarf.

Via Fabsugar.com

Don't hate it because it's awesome. Hate it because you're not.

You may think I'm joking, but those who know me well shall be both ashamed and deliciously delighted with this future purchase of mine.

Not enough Wu for you? See my other two favorite pieces after the JUMP!

Damsels Pine for Spring

Despite what the interwebs may be telling you, it is not May outside. After we all counted 2011 away and officially shut the book on the holiday season, bloggers, stores and fashion mags jumped crazy-first into Spring-frenzy-mode. "Trends for Spring!" and "Resort 2012" titles are all smacking me over the head with visions of pastels and cute dresses, blatantly ignoring that half the country is still covered in snow.

And as if this weren't enough, it turns out I'm also a masochist for warmer weather and decided to have a mini Southern movie marathon by watching both The Help and The Ya-Ya Sisterhood. This left me feeling two things: 1.) I wanted to watch The Blind Side for the bazillionth time, and maybe have a Sandra Bullock marathon because 1a.) She's AWESOME, and 1b.) She's almost 50 years old which sincerely makes me want to go run upstairs and put on anti-aging cream while I run on the treadmill while watching The Blind Side, but then in a fit of self-hatred throw away all my white skinny jeans because she just looks SO GOOD IN THEM and how's a girl to compete, anyway?

Ahem. And 2.) I really, really, really want a '50s sleeveless, button down spring dress with collar and skinny belt that I can wear while saying things like, "Oh, let me run and throw on my cardigan before we hit the Shake Shack!"

À la this Mcginn Printed Shirtdress at Nordstrom:

Via Nordstrom.com

I sincerely hope this style takes off and Forever21 starts making these because I definitely can't afford the hefty $345 price tag. Damn you, Eugenia Skeeter Phelan!

Damsels Don't Mesh Around

Let's cut to the chase: sometimes girls like to be a little skanky. Before you say, "I know where this post is going. Who skanked it up this week?" Let me inform you that this is not a diss post. It is a bliss post.

Bliss because, yeah, I'm owning up to having a certain part of me that likes to cause a splash. Who doesn't want a little extra attention now and then? This is where mesh comes into play. Mesh allows us to do things that may otherwise be considered skanky: large cut-outs and low necklines, for example. But, it also adds depth to an otherwise unremarkable bodycon dress.

Is your dress too short? No worries. Mesh gave you sleeves, so it all balances out. Is your stomach showing? Who cares, it is kind of covered with mesh! Is that neckline dabbling with showing just a little too much cleave? Nah, mesh has you covered there too! Isn't mesh great? It's like a best friend who has your back, no matter what.

So what am I saying? I'm saying let's give mesh a high-five. For giving those of us who just want to make the occasional scandalous foray into the world of nightlife something to hold on to.

Via nastygal.com

Judge me if you want, but you know you like this dress.

Trunk Briefs on a Mansel

There are some things that are unnecessary-bordering-on-redundant to say out loud. Chocolate is delicious. People will judge you if you wear harem pants and you're not a Disney princess named Jasmine. Dominos at 2am is always a good idea.

Oh, and David Beckham is insanely hot.

Via Fashionista.com

Thanks, H&M.

Lace is for the Bedroom, Damsels

Well, happy holidays and all that jazz, Damsels. What's that? I don't seem cheery? Well, if you insist, it is because something incredibly terrible happened shortly before the holidays began. And, simply nothing can raise my spirits - not the return of Pretty Little Liars, The Lying Game, or even Once Upon A Time.

No. No amount of new episodes can wash this travesty away:

Via celebuzz.com

Oh, Vanessa Hudgens. You are so wed to your hippie ways that you've refused to live amongst your society. Vanessa, dear. Didn't anyone tell you that see-through lace is for the bedroom?

Oh sure, a dash here, a tad there - show your back, even, we won't judge you! We'll applaud you. But this is going too far. These are transparent lace pants with hot shorts beneath them.

To be fair, I'm sure all of us are thankful for the short-shorts. Girl, clean yourself up and get a stylist who maybe doesn't list you first on their hate-list, mmmkay?

Happy New Year, Damsels. I think we all know what Vanessa's resolution will be.

Happy New Trends, Damsels!

A very happy 2012 to you, Damsels! And with the holiday weight gain, well-intentioned resolutions and long-awaited return of 30 Rock, the new year also brings us tons of propaganda concerning our future wardrobes.

Plan on seeing a lot of polka dots in 2012. Feathers and espadrille shoes are back in style (hopefully not together). Neon colors and loud patterns will meet with tight, light-colored skinnies as Spring (which is apparently already upon us) pits pastels vs. brights.

Basically, plan on being a fashion-schizophrenic.

But possibly the most hilarious trend to "expect" over the next 12 months is what Top Shop refers to as "Surf Luxe." And yes, their vision is as/if not more ridiculous than the name itself:

Via TopShop.com

Maybe the world will end this December -- and I for one plan to be dressed EXACTLY LIKE THIS.